According to me, casual sex is clearly good for the body and the mind — and if it ends up being harmful or can lead to something much worse, there are ways in which you can curtail this by protecting yourself. So what’s the problem? First of all, casual sex has a bad reputation. And this stigma can affect your emotional well-being, as well as your physical one. „There are plenty of miserable people in the world. Most of them don’t even want casual sex,“ says Emba. „They want a relationship that is actually genuine. They want someone who’s going to walk the walk and talk the talk.“ But that’s almost impossible because how else would you know how good the person you’re sleeping with is?
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„Casual Sex is Super Bad For Your Health“
One of the most common fallouts from casual sex is having an STD. Although STDs are painful, treatable, and actually do more good than harm in the long run, they aren’t necessarily cute to people on the receiving end. As Emba so poignantly explained to me when we spoke, „I had a partner who was more of a friend than a lover, and he was depressed. I was trying to be supportive, but when we hung out, he would always be exhausted and downtrodden. But sex with him wasn’t ever the issue — it was just that in his depression he was very uninhibited and he would just let it all go — I was really self-conscious. It was exhausting. So I decided to just break it off, which was not cool. But the whole time I just wanted to break his whole heart, I was just being mean.“
When we’re so focused on doing and giving, it’s easy to be stressed and exhausted from our dating dilemmas. Sex is important, but so is having a healthy relationship, whatever you want to call it. And if casual sex is actually going to make you feel worse in the long run, you need to have it make you feel better.
„I found sex to be all about my emotional needs, to be honest, and I was always afraid that if I gave that up, I’d have nothing left,“ says Emba. „When I found a guy who I could be passionate with, and who loved me and respected me, it all felt like one big orgasm, and it was just fantastic. And I think because of that, we were always connecting
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Let’s be real — the time we have is limited. If you’re going to do something, you’ve got to be for it. So what does casual sex have to do with you? Plenty. Consider this: The average person has about 13 sexual partners over the course of their lifetime. Approximately one third of those people say that at least one of their partners was casual (i.e., less-than-serious). What we’re saying is: Casual means you’re likely to run into friends, too.
This means you’re more likely to exchange personal information about who you are when you’re in bed with someone than you are with a guy who is entirely invested in your soul. The point is that when you’re getting intimate with someone, you’re mentally preparing for the basis of who this person is to others.
According to researchers, this is linked to stress when it comes to your relationships. The more you’re „in it for the other,“ the more likely it is that you’ll be emotionally and even romantically invested with the person. If sex is just a necessary component of your routine and not the driving force behind your relationship, then you won’t as much care what that person does in bed. You know, so long as they didn’t kill any rabbits or eat any children.
If the brain rewires itself in a way that attracts more emotionally beneficial partners, it’s probably because your brain is becoming a better person and being used to finding those people who can help you be the best person you can be. In other words: When it comes to dating, your brain is granting you the opportunity to refine your personality so that you can do your best and most authentic work.
Even if you’re into the whole casual sex thing, there’s no reason to have „just sex“ every time. Here are some of the most common sex motivators.
Know What You Want From Casual Sex
The latest research backs up what psychologists have long known: Pleasurable sex is all about giving and taking. When you’re looking for a casual sex partner, your main goal isn’t necessarily to hook up in the first place (though that’s always possible). Rather, your goal is to connect with someone and figure out what they want for themselves.
Like any good relationship, it’s critical to know what you want. Casual sex can be an excuse to get to know someone in a more profound way, but don’t be afraid to express your own desires. If you don’t have a desire
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