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5 signs your casual sex isn’t casual
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This post was originally published on November 9, 2013.
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I am not a person who has an opinion. I’m a person who observes and then writes about things that I have observed. Such is the case with my most recent obsession: the casual hookup. As someone who lives in New York City, where all boundaries have been temporarily blurred, I’ve observed first-hand why casual sex is good, how it’s good, and also, how it’s bad. I do not have a degree in psychology or a major in Psychology. I don’t intend to confuse you with my haphazard personal observations. I do, however, want to correct some of the misconceptions surrounding casual hookups. I know I’ve been guilty of confusing some of my own feelings about casual sex, so I wanted to share some of my experiences and observations with you to help set you on the right path.
So, what exactly is casual sex? People often treat casual sex as a sex cliché; that is, an evening where sex is had in a moment of spontaneity. They think it’s something that they’re never going to do again. But that is the way most people view casual sex: casual. Something you’re going to do when you have the opportunity. But the fact is, when you meet someone through a hookup app or in a bar and you hook up with that person, it’s not casual in nature. It is, however, casual in that it’s a sex with a stranger.
Here’s the difference: A casual hookup, by definition, is an ambiguous scenario. You’re never really sure what is going on. You’re either meeting someone you never met in person before, or you’re meeting a person who you have talked with before. It’s an ambiguous situation where you never really know how you’re going to feel about the person you’re about to have sex with, either as friends, or something more
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Though she became addicted after years of stealing from men for sex, the new study found that out-of-the-closet women didn’t seem to be at any additional risk of mental health and substance abuse issues. This study also recruited women who’d already agreed to have sex with men they didn’t know, so it’s possible they were more likely to have a casual hookup.
For instance, you probably aren’t in the best place to avoid the consequences of casual sex if your ex is living right next door. But if you are in a committed relationship, it is probably worth a conversation with your partner about whether you feel able to have casual hookups in the near future. There’s just no good way to let your partner know that you’re ready to have casual sex without him having to explicitly ask, so communication between two people in a committed relationship will probably be more effective.
According to a study of several thousand Americans, the more casual sexual activities people participate in, the less sexually transmitted disease they’re likely to contract.
What’s more, women who practice monogamy report less anxiety and depression, and women who go into relationships hoping to do and being able to have casual sex put themselves at a lower risk of emotional and financial stressors. After all, once the initial risk involved in casual sex is removed, things get a little less daunting and a little less „fun.“
Talking about sex is challenging. Most people find it uncomfortable and embarrassing. But however you decide to handle the conversation, there is a thin line between self-respect and disempowerment.
This study also found that people who had casual sex at one time or another saw their mental health issues go up, as much as those who’d never had a casual sexual relationship did. They found that women who had casual sex were at higher risk of experiencing depression in the future. What’s more, they found that people who’d had casual sex before had less interest in a committed relationship in the future and were less happy to be in one.
According to Ohio State University psychologist David Glickman, who wrote the book Shifting the Script: Escaping the Cliché Trap When Discussing Sexuality, casual sex is just part of a healthy sex life for everyone.
For example, if someone is in a relationship and their partner asks them not to hook up with

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