According to the Institute for Public Health Research at Boston University School of Medicine, casual sex is defined as „sexual intercourse or penile-vaginal contact between people who are not involved in an intimate relationship.“1 Research seems to indicate that casual sex can be beneficial for the mind and body and actually enhances positive feelings and reduces stress.
You’re not necessarily getting more time with your partner now, but you’re having more sex. It might not seem like a huge leap of logic, but it is. In a recent study of college-aged men, it was found that having more sexual partners was linked to higher levels of the „pleasure chemical“ oxytocin.2 That oxytocin can contribute to feelings of connection and bonding.
When your body produces less of it, your feelings of attraction and attraction to a partner decrease. If you’re having too much sex, it can negatively affect both your partner and you. On the other hand, if your sex drive is slowly dropping, casual sex may bring your mojo back.
Swiping apps can easily ruin your dating life.
Everyone knows you’re not supposed to work too hard in your first few dates. This has led to an inordinate amount of time spent swiping to zero in on potential dates. And unlike the ’90s, people aren’t just looking for love anymore. In fact, as more millennials get the picture, often people are using apps like Tinder for sex, as opposed to romantic interest.
That said, what happens when you’re missing the sex that comes from a relationship. In a survey of more than 2,000 participants, a whopping 50% confessed that they’ve used sex apps to see if they are still attractive.3
As for why people would use dating apps to find quick sex, the reasons are varied. But common concerns include: you’re just horny and it’s been a long time since you’ve had sex, your partner is being boring, there’s a bar/club scene you’d like to be part of, etc.
Still, despite all the good things about casual sex, the risks are real. And now that we’ve covered some of them, I’d be remiss to not mention all of the benefits.4
Casual sex benefits include:
Increased vaginal muscle tone: Vaginal dryness can cause difficulty getting and maintaining an orgasm, and many women who do not regularly have intercourse find relief from this problem by practicing Kegel exercises (taught in gynecology classes).5
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According to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, nearly 2 in 3 adults have had sex on a dating or hookup app. And while millennials may have been the first generation to hook up casually, many of them have found that it hasn’t always been „better.“ For example, between 2013 and 2014, roughly 43 percent of women reported that they used casual sex apps like Tinder or Grindr for pleasure.
While some traditionalists are still waking up to the 21st-century sexual landscape and the rise of the IRL relationship, it seems like everyone else is fine with seeing their sex life reflected in a digital landscape.
But can casual sex be too casual, even? If it’s not immediately clear whether you want to go the casual sex route or not, how do you know when casual sex is the right move for you? Look to your gut.
If you find yourself wanting to have sex and it just doesn’t feel right, but you don’t know why, that’s a strong signal. „Simply put, if you are thinking and/or feeling that having sex does not feel right, then you should probably stop and think about why it doesn’t feel right,“ says Lauren Kitei, sexual health and wellness coach in Portland, Maine. This all just means that you’re not in a casual or mutually beneficial relationship — something you definitely don’t want to be in the situation if you can help it.
Checking in on the places where having sex online might not be as safe as it looks for, or planning to continue in a relationship (if it’s one you want to continue), are all major red flags. „It’s impossible to catch something in an anonymous hookup,“ says Melissa Sweet, registered sex therapist and host of the Sex Therapist podcast. „It’s simply not how it works. The real way to catch something is if you’re having it all the time or with the same person — which you certainly shouldn’t be doing if you’re not feeling comfortable with them.“
She also goes onto call these situations a „rape-style sexual encounter,“ which takes the pressure off and keeps you from feeling obligated to „do it,“ so to speak, but still keeps you aware. If you notice that you’re feeling pressured, it’s OK to opt out — just say no!
All of these factors can also tip you off as to whether your hookup is mutual. „If they’re asking you for more than your ’10 best,‘ then it’s most likely not going to be something
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